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The perception of death is related to the mental development of the child in relation to the age. The concept of death is perceived differently at every age. For example; It is not possible for the child to understand death in the period before 3 years of age. For this reason, they find death less frightening than later years. If one of the parents of the child is lost here, there will be problems caused by his absence. And of course at this age the child will have to be told that the person is dead. A child in the age of 4-5 has the mental development to be afraid of losing a relative and the concept of death. During this period, the following questions are frequently asked:
"Let him come back now!"
Because they see death as a process of return. From the age of 5, they begin to realize that death is an irreversible event. At the age of 6-7, death begins to be perceived in relation to disease and old age. However, at the age of 10-12, it is perceived that death is the end of life and there is no return.
How should the news of death be given to the child?
Death is a natural as well as a traumatic event. We should tell the child in a language that he can understand that death is not a bad event, it is a natural process. For example; the growth, greening, yellowing and fading of a flower, mentally symbolizing death, will prevent you from fearing or tell a story. Anne A mother bird and a child bird were traveling together. One day, the wings of the mother bird hanging on a branch of a tree, the mother bird continued to watch the child bird over the clouds. You can make him feel and understand better.
How to behave?
The funeral should not be placed in the environment. Extreme crying of people who live in this difficult period, throwing themselves from the ground are the scenes that should not be seen by the child.
You shouldn't pretend that there's nothing next to the child. The news of death can be given to a child by someone he loves and trusts. It is tried to be prepared by saying that the deceased is sick and hospitalized and the doctors are trying to help and heal him. It is very important that the child hears the same thing from everyone around him. Witnessing the conversations of others in the neighborhood can break their trust and cause them to fear. The fact that he witnessed things alone might not allow him to find answers to questions that might arise in his mind, which could lead to a traumatic situation. For this reason, there should be a person who can answer his / her questions continuously.
All reactions of a child to whom news of death is reported need to be monitored. The response to death may be different in each child. Respond to all the questions you have asked, do not worry about the questions, give a calm tone. Feeling your anxiety will make him feel unsafe and think that something bad has happened. Let him express his feelings as he wishes, make him speak as much as possible, but do not pressure him to speak.
Children should not be allowed to enter the funeral environment, but in these cases it is not right to be sent to an environment that the child does not know at all and is completely foreign. It will comfort her to be in an environment where she can feel good and know her.
Showing the face of the dead is also a traumatic event for the child and should never be done. It will be much more relaxing and descriptive to explain death by concretizing the child. Such messages may cause children to fall asleep and develop phobia in the soil. During the mourning process of children, problems such as wetting underneath, stuttering, nail eating, aggression, aggression, nightmares, night fears, fears, insomnia, eating problems, abdominal or headache, school failure, and inward closure can be seen. In these cases, you need to get support from an expert.
It would not be right to show an overly protective attitude to the child due to death. Everything should continue as before, no more than one change in the life of the child should be made (change home or city, etc.). If the deceased, the child's parent is the uncle who can assume the role of the parent, the aunt should begin to assume this role gradually.