Why I don't give a single damn about natural childbirth

Why I don't give a single damn about natural childbirth

We are searching data for your request:

Forums and discussions:
Manuals and reference books:
Data from registers:
Wait the end of the search in all databases.
Upon completion, a link will appear to access the found materials.

To put it right out there, I'm not invested in natural childbirth, and have something of an uncomfortable relationship to childbirth generally.

There. The deep investment that others have for vaginal childbirth, water birth, or whatever, is something I absolutely do respect -- on an intellectual level.

These things mean little or nothing to me on a visceral level.

All by c-section

I am awed by women’s bodies. At the ability to grow life. How wanted healthy babies emerge. How longed-for babies who aren't healthy can still be vessels of such love. How we create. Whether the babies emerge into this abundant, lonely, beautiful world vaginally or surgically, I care not even a jot. I only care that they are here. And that all is well.

I remember once, when I was hugely pregnant with my first, a friend asked whether I had written out a birth plan. I had not. I did not even really know what she meant. I earnestly filled one out, but I remember being perplexed at the questions. Did I want music? An epidural? Sure and absolutely. I can’t remember a single thing I learned in Lamaze class.

My first son was born by c-section and I was delighted with his arrival. It never even occurred to me that I had missed out on a thing. When a woman at a mommy-and-me something or other class sympathetically suggested that I could "try again" next time, it did not even occur to me to be offended because I did not understand right then what she meant. I smiled and nodded in a super-friendly way because everything was so beautiful to me just then. I was so busy and distracted falling in love with light cast by this dewy baby I adored from the very moment I clapped eyes on him.

My next child would be stillborn. This was a tragedy in my life that left me reeling. I leave it here because it affected me so deeply. I’m sure it had some impact on how I viewed natural childbirth going forward. To be clear, one had nothing to do with the other. My son's demise occurred before labor. His death, however, probably underscored the point of it all.

But this is all to say that my lack of attachment to natural childbirth existed prior to my son’s stillbirth. One need not experience a loss to have ambiguous feelings around birth choices. (I had also experienced prior serious illness so my own relationship to my body could have been colored by this). We all arrive at the doorstep of parenthood with lots of baggage.

I want for every woman exactly the birth they want. I like very much to support their personal vision. If they are invested in a vaginal childbirth, a homebirth, no epidural, I hope for that outcome.

But I'd like to remind others that it's just fine to not be personally invested in natural childbirth. It is extraordinary that we can conceive new life and gestate people. No matter how they emerge in the world, they are here and that is miraculous. That is the point.

I ended up having three c-sections and one vaginal (still)birth. It is true that the recoveries got progressively slightly harder but I was so taken up with my babies that I noticed less and less. And to be totally honest, my core was never all that strong to begin with. So as much as I’d love to blame the sections, I am not sure that is wholly accurate. And I take the scars as tattoos, as memories. They are beautiful to me.

Photograph by Carolyn Blackwood. Used with permission.

Photo from istock

Opinions expressed by parent contributors are their own.

Watch the video: WTF Is Palliative Care? wDr. Sunita Puri. Incident Report 241 (December 2022).

Video, Sitemap-Video, Sitemap-Videos